I put the class in wizard class synthetic user interface

The Walk of Life

thewallSo now the little hero walks.

Well, not walks. More like falls forward and in a constant state of catching himself. Still…

Next thing I know he’ll be talking.

Then he’ll be telling me how he feels about things.

And then, how he doesn’t like the things I like. Arguing as they call it.

Then he’ll be throwing fits in public. I’ll have to invent/invest in some tantrum pylons, for society’s protection.

Then school.

Up next he’ll start to stink. Little man sweat stink.

Then girls. Then the sex talk. Then heartbreak. Then I will cry with him. I can share that with him. Too well maybe.

Then the car.

Homework. No homework. School will suck? Probably. I didn’t like school.

The dangers of teenagerdome? I don’t know about this. There is very little I can do about it. Keep him adjustable. Keep him adaptable. From a distance I’m sure.

Then he’ll move out. To a bigger school. A bigger school that will suck? I don’t know. Maybe he’ll take after his mom and be ‘smart’.

A bigger world. The ‘real’ world. As if this isn’t all a dream.

Then another heartbreak. I’ll relate to this one too. The first cut is the deepest, but there are a lot of first cuts.

Then whatever. The great ether. Magic tragic spastic fantastic.

I’m sure some of you have been there and are thinking, “How cute. Look at him think about the future. Little does he know.”

Well listen here bub/bubess (wtf is the feminine of bub?), I know how much little I know. And yes it is very little indeed.

I will just say this: Everything is gravy. He gave me a kiss today. Oh omnipotent and sentient or not being at the helm of existence. I am so scared. I am so prepared. I am so scared.

What a fucking ride.

Tagged as: , , ,

1 Response »

Trackbacks

  1. Edmonton blog roundup: Sept. 14, 2015 | Seen and Heard in Edmonton

Leave a Reply

@TheUnDad

RSS The UnDad Podcast

  • Best of The UnDad Podcast
    Sorta. I lost some episodes. I collected as most as I could. This is a month in the making. Much love to all and more coming regularly. This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording space and […]
  • Santa is the best
    In this edition, I read a short Christmas story I wrote last year for Apocalypse Kow's awesome annual Christmas show. Also, I recorded a performance of myself during Booty Goose's 'Weird Al Karaoke', where one takes a popular song and changes the lyrics. I wrote a filthy version of 'Its Beginning to Look a Lot […]
  • Don't mess with Noreen
    In this episode I talk with Nicola Doherty of the Alberta Mamas (albertamamas.com) about the East Coast, spoon collections, child-sized weaponry, and tattooing dolphins. I'm not kidding. This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording space and […]
  • Did they make the right choice?
    In this episode I chat with former NHLer and current radio host Jason Strudwick. We cover topics ranging from adoption, hockey, parenthood, poetry, and a hypothetical room full of cocaine. This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the […]
  • The Questioneer
    In this episode, Trent answers the many, many questions that his rabid fanbase* sent in to him. Some of them are funny, some sincere, and some are about corn nuts. This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the […]
  • No biting
    This bad boy goes off the rails in all the best ways possible. I chat with the hilariously enabling Christine Bruckmann about the new Alberta Museum, legalized marijuana, how much I hate lentils, being a crazy parent, and dealing with hate when blogging. This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast […]
  • Julie Rohr Part 2
    In no specific order: Julie and I talk about the 'D' word, journalism, connecting to people you can't connect to, understanding, being brought up religious, giving yourself grace, and even though you have cancer you still have to be a parent. This conclusion of the two-parter is a doozie. This episode is powered by ATB […]
  • Julie Rohr Part 1
    If you don't know who Julie Rohr is you are truly missing out. Currently battling a rare form of cancer, Jules is defined by her infectious smile, her love of life, and her all around resplendent radness. Just listen and find out what I mean. Part 2 coming out next week. This episode is powered […]
  • The good Witch of the true North
    I catch up with Lindsey McNeill about what it is like to be adopted as an adult, how her and her mom are writing a book about the experience, and what it is like to be a screenwriter, producer, witch, and tarot card reader (and then she reads my tarot cards). This episode is powered […]
  • I moved back
    In this episode I catch up with Antonio Bavaro (alter drag ego Connie Lingua) and chat about Montreal, excessive nostalgia, family influence, and his newest endeavour that will spotlight the Edmonton queer and trans community. This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the […]

Follow The Undad via Email

Enter your email address to follow The Undad and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 42 other subscribers

%d bloggers like this: