I’ve been assured by friends and family that one can swear on a daddy blog. It was really my only stipulation for starting one.1
I’ll be starting my paternity leave this week. That is 33 weeks of raising a little human. I’m looking forward to it. Just like you look forward to horror movies. I’m not being facetious.2
Being a writer by trade this seems an easy3 transition. I’ve been a writer for close to 20 years, the last few spent as a journalist and editor. Also, my wife wants me to keep creatively busy and doesn’t want me losing my mind. Whatever part of it I haven’t already lost. She constantly jokes that I was dropped on my head as a child but I’m pretty sure that during a recent visit with my parents my mother took her aside and said, “Oh we dropped him as a child, a lot. Dropped the crap out of him. Right on that part of the head that protects the smart part of the brain.” My wife denies this ever took place.4
Truth be told, I never wanted to be a father. Not really. That was up until I met my wife, Elizabeth. Then things just got all natural n’ shit. She opened up my eyes to a world of love, compassion and other types of silly crap.5
I’m not sure what will come of this. My little hoser, a three-month-old boy, is a wonder. Being adopted, I’ve never had this type of connection. I’m sure I’ll get into that later.
I called this site The Undad for several reasons. One, Dad or Alive was already taken. Dadwood just sounded a bit too pervy (well, just the right amount of pervy). And, Colour me Dad was just too fucking stupid. Plus I do like horror movies. And canoes. And reality. So, The Undad, a man who never really wanted to become a dad, but is totally elbow deep into it now (and thoroughly loving it) is a nod to the dead becoming the living but still being a bit of a weirdo. What?
There, first post done. Now I’m going to go do a whole bunch of cocaine, and by cocaine, I mean laundry.6
1 Trent has also been reassured by his wife, me, Elizabeth, that he can say anything – anything – he wants on this 33 week journey. I’m going to live to regret that. It may have been in a drunken stupor that I agreed to such a thing. I mean sleep deprived state oblivious to any sense of reality. Oh, you’re right, that correction was redundant. Drunken stupor – Sleep deprivation – same same. Trent has asked me to review his posts and add to them as I please, this will be something he will likely regret.
2 This means nothing to me Trent. Taking care of Valdy is the most wonderful, amazing, terrific, exhausting, heartbreakingly satisfying thing I have ever done. Horror movies are the thing I’ve tried my hardest to avoid throughout my life. After a few bad experiences with Encounters of a Third Kind, Psycho, and Leprechaun 1 through 3 at slumber parties, I cannot imagine anything more horrid than looking forward to a horror movie.
3 Trent has clarified to me that the easy transition was to writing a blog. Initially I read this as the transition to stay at home dad, and I laughed a caustically evil laugh that radiated throughout out our tiny home, and caused a minor energy disruption on the Richter magnitude scale.
4 She didn’t use the word crap Trent.
5 I love you too.
6 Thank you for folding the mountain of clean laundry I left on the bed throughout the day. Please note. Doing the laundry involves putting the dirty clothes into the washer, adding soap and turning the washing machine on. After some time has elapsed doing laundry then involves moving some of the laundry to the dryer, turning it on, and hanging up the remaining wet laundry in a careful fashion. Folding already washed laundry would probably refer to folding laundry.