Preface

My toddler is a three-year-old boy. He is ‘chatty’.

Introduction

After a recent poll, this is the post topic decided by thine:

I would like to preface this that my son usually speaks with an intensity that is amplified by hand gestures that can only be described as gregarious yet necessary. I will break up his statements into the topics in which his thoughts fall.

Food

“Daddy, the way that pancakes work is that you put them in your face. You put them right in it.”

“Daddy, when I drink water, it goes down my stomach and into my toes then out my penis.”

When asked how he felt about the day: “Cheerios”.

“I ate too much apple slices and now my knee hurts and my foot hurts. That’s ridiculous.”

Media

“I know you think Paw Patrol is stupid, but I want to watch it anyway Daddy.”

“Dory should just write things down like Mommy.”

In reference to Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2: “When the guys get in the suits,

they are bad. Then, when they leave them, they are good. They are good because they can’t-do the bad stuff that the suits help them do because they can’t-do it without the suits. But the strawberry was good and is good in the suit.”

 

Everyday-isms

While hanging out with Elizabeth while she is showering: “I can’t stay here, I am late for work.”

“Daddy, when you are mad at someone and you are driving say, ‘Bucket full of water’. No, say, ‘Bucket full of water. No. No. NO. Don’t!’. Ok Daddy? Now practice it. Good job Daddy.”

“Daddy, we are all carbon-based life-forms.”

“I’m going to go ask that girl if I can tell her she is pretty.”

“The world was ending and then it wasn’t.”

“Don’t talk to me I’m pooping.”

There will most likely be a sequel to this…