Prologue:

What is the truth? Does it have a smell? If it does, can people smell the same truth and have different responses to it?

Body:

Who would win in a fight, Odin or Jesus?

Interjection:

Collect all the lies you’ve been told and decide which ones you’d prefer to still think are true.

Main statement:

There are things I will openly lie to my children about.

I will tell them that the monsters under their beds are actually pretty cool dudes/dudettes/non-gender specific monsters who are there to protect them when they sleep.

I will tell them that there is a Santa Claus and he pays the elves very well.

I will tell them that their mother and father are always right even when we are obviously wrong and yes that is a very stupid thing to say but whatever.

I will also tell them that all the answers to the world’s questions can be found in art, especially if it is their own. This one I hope turns out to not be a lie.

Climax:

I will enforce the fact that even though it is not illegal to be an asshole, people lie all the time with reckless abandon. But, karma holds jurisdiction over ethereal justice and by golly perpetual jerks will get their comeuppance one way or another. I will also add that every human on the planet has the capacity to be a total dingus no matter where they are from/what God they do or don’t believe in.

Epilogue:

Do I know what will happen lies will negatively or positively impact them? Fuck no. What do I look like, a Ouija board?

Editor’s note: I know grammatically it should read ‘an Ouija board’, but if you say it out loud it sounds stupid and I don’t want to sound stupid more than I have to.