Winner of – Best Family Blog – from VUE Weekly 2017

The Star Spangled Banner is just a series of confused questions.


Say, can you see?

See what? What are you yelling about?

By the dawn’s early light?

It’s dim out. It is dim. WTF and I supposed to see in the dim there yeller?

What so proudly we hailed?

Agreed. What, did you hail? And why proudly if you couldn’t see it? Blind patriotism?

At the twilight’s last gleaming?

Oh, it will gleam again. This is a nefarious supposition.

Whose broad stripes and bright stars?

Not yours. You can’t even see them. Dim and bright? Flip a coin champ.

Through the perilous fight?

Holy shit, now you are fighting? Is this a ‘kick at the darkness til it bleeds daylight’ thing? I’m calling Bruce Cockburn with some trademark infringement.

O’er the ramparts we watched?

Yeah. Watch the fight. That is so very gallant.

Were so gallantly, yeah, streaming?

I just said that? You are the douches who pull out your phones and scream WORLD STAR when punches are thrown. Yeah. So gallantly.

And the rockets’ red glare?

The glare from the Rocket is from PEDs and we all know that you fakers.

The bombs bursting in air?

Looks like someone made some shitty bombs. Aren’t they supposed to explode ON THEIR TARGETS?

Gave proof through the night?

Oh, I get it, this was a selfie.

That our flag was still there?

Of course, it was. Because NOTHING WAS HAPPENING (#fakenews)

O say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave?

Yes, it does. Yet, it does not do so in a respected manner.

O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

Free yes, brave…it doesn’t take bravery to lie about everything.

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