Winner of VUE Weekly's 2017 and 2018 'Best Family Blog' and 2018 'Best Podcast'

Proof Rock

trees.jpg

Part of a mural at the Ardrossan Rec Centre.

A dog barks somewhere and you are snapped back to reality.

You find yourself staring at your hands and realize several minutes have passed.

You shake your head in confusion. Then everything sinks in.

You are standing in front of your kitchen sink. And, instead of T.S. Eliot’s  time measurement of coffee spoons, yours is sink-fulls of dirty dishes. It is endless. The word ‘forever’ is applicable.

You tell yourself that it’s all fine and good. It’s all good. It is necessary. Right?

You walk into the other room and turn the children’s programming to French just so you don’t have to listen to the same shit again. You search for an Esperanto version, but then realize that not only is that

happyb

Oh thou crazy wonder.

language dead, but he joke is lame.

You think about taking up smoking or drinking or amateur shamanism as a way to pass the time and you lapse back into reality: you have no time to pass. Like a watched clock or a kettle put to boil, everything is slowed down.

You think, “Holy fuck” and edit yourself mid-word to, “Holy fucoxanthin”, and you giggle the giggles of the mad. Your inner self pontificates as to why you would substitute a very satisfying cuss word for the description of a carotenoid pigment found in the chloroplasts of brown algae and you stop and something in you makes a popping sound.

That was it.

That was the straw.

The one that broke the back of that poor camel that crazy people won’t shut up about.

And then your wife walks into the kitchen.

She looks up at you from her hand which is holding a pregnancy test applicator and tells you that she is pregnant with your second child.

You look from the sink to your hands to her face and realize you are smiling.

For some wonderfully perfect reason, you are smiling.

 

 

4 Responses »

  1. Wowzers, Elizabeth and Trent, congratulations!

  2. Congrats to you!!!

Trackbacks

  1. Edmonton blog roundup: May 10, 2016 – Seen and Heard in Edmonton

Leave a Reply to Christine Cancel reply

@TheUnDad

RSS The UnDad Podcast

  • I couldn't help but laugh
    If this is my eulogy then consider me dead and smiling.   This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording space and production help. Thanks to Caitlynn Legris for her recording and vocal talents for the new […]
  • Three made up things
    Three stories I'd like to tell. A western, an eulogy, and a parable.    This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording space and production help. Thanks to Caitlynn Legris for her recording and vocal talents for […]
  • Bad Parents
     A collection of news stories on...you guessed it...bad parents. AND my thoughts on some of the topics. This will probably be a recurring theme. Would love to hear your thoughts.  This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the […]
  • Japandrew
    Mr. Andrew Paul came back from visiting the land of the rising sun with a series of very good questions. He thought he'd ask me them. And more!   This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording […]
  • BTS_TWT
    As a father to two kids who are under five years of age, I need to try new things. So, in this incarnation of The UnDad Podcast, I review several songs by the South Korean super boy band BTS. With the help from Twitter of course.  This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by […]
  • Zoloft
    This is a step in the right direction.  This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording space and production help. Thanks to Caitlynn Legris for her recording and vocal talents for the new intro intro. Also, many […]
  • Ghosts Jason Kenney
    Many moons ago, I sent out a weird messenger request to several friends. It was about ghosts. Well, today, the answers of Scott McGovern, Sam Varteniuk, and Angela Seehagen are brought to life...about ghosts! Also, I've added some Jason Kenney poems.  This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank […]
  • Children's book reviews
    I do a lot of reading to my kids so I thought I'd go over some of my favourites (and least favourites) of out kid lit library. There is a little Sandra Boynton, Dr. Seuss, Moby Dick, Paw Patrol, and Beatrix Potter (with some others mingled in for taste). Main picture is from 'The Three […]
  • Question and Answer
    In this episode I answer questions about dreams, smells, hell, tell a tale about a really good stabber. All those who asked got answered. Take a listen! This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network.  Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording space and production help. Thanks to […]
  • Grimpen and Friends
    This was fun! I got to play video games with a moon being (Grimpen) and his friend (Chris Nelson) and I wasn't murdered nor was I consumed for nourishment by a moon being (Grimpen). Come, listen to us play a video game (Red Dead Redemption), or don't! Here is the long description of just what […]

Follow The Undad via Email

Enter your email address to follow The Undad and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 42 other subscribers

%d bloggers like this: