Winner of VUE Weekly's 2017 and 2018 'Best Family Blog' and 2018 'Best Podcast'

Quality of life

Photo by dbphotographics.ca

Photo by dbphotographics.ca

I consider myself a writer. Sometimes I use the word journalist. Sometimes playwright. Other times sketch comedian. I’ve been called a blogger. I try not to use blogger, although that is what I’m doing right now.

I’m telling you this because I’ve hit a wall. Not writers block or anything like that. I’ve hit a wall where my personal health has declined to the point that I’m very aware of it.

Sure, there have been exterior influences. Funerals, loved ones being sick, having a vast distance from my family…that stuff.

Since I married the most inspiring woman I’ve ever met, and we had the most magical being, I’ve lost sight of what makes me me.

I’ve gained close to thirty pounds. I get, maybe four hours sleep a night. I’m emotional and unpredictable. I try to be a good dad, which I think I am doing. I try to be a good husband, which I’m still referring to the manual. And within all this, I try to fit in my personal therapy: writing.

You see, I don’t do this because I consider it an art form (although I do). I don’t do it as a way to make money (although I do). I don’t do it to connect with society (although I do). I do it because it is a way of staking my existential claim. I put a flag down. I’ve put many flags down. I make myself real.

In the morning, for about 10 minutes before Elizabeth goes to work, I’m a husband and a father. When Elizabeth leaves, I’m a father. This goes on for 10 to 14 hours. Then I’m a husband again. A tired, confused husband. And father.

Then when family is in bed, say around 8 or 9 or 10, I become the writer. I become my own personal therapist. I become the best and worst writer I’ve ever known. I exist in the opulent sphere of self creation sliding between empowerment and doubt. Then I go to bed at about 2 or 3 and the machine starts all over again.

sdfsd

Hark, there be metaphors.

As a stay-at-home father I’ve chosen this life. I have idiotically put myself in this position. I’ve ignored help. I feel that I’ve put myself and my health in the back seat. I’ve pushed myself out behind the chemical shed. I’ve become secondary to my own needs. What I’m realizing now, as so many parents and individuals and monks and animals have realized, I’m better when I’m at my best. When I’m at my best is when I’m healthy. This is something I need to remedy.

I would like to add that I’ve made the decisions that lead to this point. Elizabeth and I have talked about, on several occasions, about ways to alleviate this pressure. We talked about child care and shifting schedules…workable solutions to which I said, “No I got this. I got this good.” What I didn’t realize what the impact it would have on me. It’s akin to pushing someone out of the way of a transport truck then looking at it as I stupidly stand in the middle of the road saying, “Oh hey, a transport truck”.

This is where I contacted Michael at Overhaul Fitness. I gave Michael the pitch: I’m a stay-at-home dad. I don’t have time. I love my son and wife. I want my life to be better. Yadda yadda.

Within days I was in a coffee shop talking to Michael as the Bean ran amuck. He talked through a series of examples, realized what I needed and how he could offer it. Michael came to my house, walked me though a series of workouts. Using Michael’s Trainerize app, I can work out everyday whenever I want. And, Michael is only a text away. I’ve been doing it for a week. I need to keep doing it.

It is a step. A step that enhances my quality of life. And therefore helps those I love and I love them so very very much.

But ultimately it is a selfish choice. I want to be around my wife and son for as long as I can because they offer me an incalculable amount of positives.

This session is now over.

 

Tagged as: , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

@TheUnDad

RSS The UnDad Podcast

  • Lake of the Strangers
    In celebration of Lake of the Strangers winning the Sterling Award for  Outstanding New Play (they were nominated for four awards), and in connection with Naheyawin, I've revisited my viewing of the play so many months ago. I was sent a series of questions about how I was affected by the work. I also did […]
  • I couldn't help but laugh
    If this is my eulogy then consider me dead and smiling.   This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording space and production help. Thanks to Caitlynn Legris for her recording and vocal talents for the new […]
  • Three made up things
    Three stories I'd like to tell. A western, an eulogy, and a parable.    This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording space and production help. Thanks to Caitlynn Legris for her recording and vocal talents for […]
  • Bad Parents
     A collection of news stories on...you guessed it...bad parents. AND my thoughts on some of the topics. This will probably be a recurring theme. Would love to hear your thoughts.  This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the […]
  • Japandrew
    Mr. Andrew Paul came back from visiting the land of the rising sun with a series of very good questions. He thought he'd ask me them. And more!   This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording […]
  • BTS_TWT
    As a father to two kids who are under five years of age, I need to try new things. So, in this incarnation of The UnDad Podcast, I review several songs by the South Korean super boy band BTS. With the help from Twitter of course.  This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by […]
  • Zoloft
    This is a step in the right direction.  This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording space and production help. Thanks to Caitlynn Legris for her recording and vocal talents for the new intro intro. Also, many […]
  • Ghosts Jason Kenney
    Many moons ago, I sent out a weird messenger request to several friends. It was about ghosts. Well, today, the answers of Scott McGovern, Sam Varteniuk, and Angela Seehagen are brought to life...about ghosts! Also, I've added some Jason Kenney poems.  This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank […]
  • Children's book reviews
    I do a lot of reading to my kids so I thought I'd go over some of my favourites (and least favourites) of out kid lit library. There is a little Sandra Boynton, Dr. Seuss, Moby Dick, Paw Patrol, and Beatrix Potter (with some others mingled in for taste). Main picture is from 'The Three […]
  • Question and Answer
    In this episode I answer questions about dreams, smells, hell, tell a tale about a really good stabber. All those who asked got answered. Take a listen! This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network.  Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording space and production help. Thanks to […]

Follow The Undad via Email

Enter your email address to follow The Undad and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 42 other subscribers

%d bloggers like this: