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Not Swears But…


He learned this from his mother.

Elizabeth made a good point during supper tonight.

Maybe ‘baby swears’ aren’t swears after all. Maybe they are just words that you shouldn’t say in front of a baby who, as luck would have it, is close to speaking.

Sure, a baby cussing is pretty funny but that isn’t the point. Aside from f-bombs, c-blasts and d-triggers, there are words one should shy away from when in a toddler’s vicinity. It helps  as to avoid the comically uncomfortable conversation about why you shouldn’t scream the word ‘fart’ over and over again in a library.

Here are some of those words.

Fart: Love the word. Been part of my repertoire since I can remember remembering. But, as my wife pointed out, once they get a reaction from the word it becomes magical. This is probably one of the tougher words I will have to give up if I don’t want my wife to murder me.

Stupid: Usually used in reference to myself, or certain drivers, this word doesn’t carry a lot of positivity. I’m not stupid, I don’t want my son to think that I think I am. Mistakes are made in life and there are no greater motivational and learning tools than mistakes. Also, not using your turn signal is a choice and just shows ignorance not diminished mental capacity.

Obsequious: Don’t want him to sound pretentious.

Hate: Probably the most improperly used word in the english language. Going to try to teach him that there are a lot of better words to help describe what type of foods one doesn’t like. THIS is also a good reason to rethink using it.

Like: As in the vernacular sense not the comparative sense. It is like a hard habit to like break.

No: I say it to the dog a lot. Now he says it to the dog. I have to model better communication standards. The phrase ‘I’d rather you didn’t’ just doesn’t hold the same wow factor though.

Wiener: When changing my son, I used to love singing my “Cleanest wiener wiener cleaner services” jingle. Knowing that this was not the proper word for the appendage in question did not deter me. This worried Elizabeth. She prefers the proper term ‘penis’. The word still fits in jingle but somehow it has lost its original zest.

I’m sure there will be more, but for right now, this is a good start. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go break some hearts at my Publicly Yelling Fart Club.

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3 Responses »

  1. I tried ‘penis’ – we settled on winky – which luckily rhymes with stinky. Also good for songs and chuckles…

    ‘No’ and ‘don’t’ will be firm favourites around age of 2. Good luck trying to avoid.

    Fart…saying it no problem; just wait until he discovers his own musical instrument in the bath! Boys will be boys, it doesn’t matter what sugar coating goes on it…trump, smelly, love puff…FAaaaRt.

  2. Enjoyed this.


  1. Edmonton blog roundup: Feb. 23, 2016 – Seen and Heard in Edmonton

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