I put the class in wizard class synthetic user interface

Not Swears But…

sahly

He learned this from his mother.

Elizabeth made a good point during supper tonight.

Maybe ‘baby swears’ aren’t swears after all. Maybe they are just words that you shouldn’t say in front of a baby who, as luck would have it, is close to speaking.

Sure, a baby cussing is pretty funny but that isn’t the point. Aside from f-bombs, c-blasts and d-triggers, there are words one should shy away from when in a toddler’s vicinity. It helps  as to avoid the comically uncomfortable conversation about why you shouldn’t scream the word ‘fart’ over and over again in a library.

Here are some of those words.

Fart: Love the word. Been part of my repertoire since I can remember remembering. But, as my wife pointed out, once they get a reaction from the word it becomes magical. This is probably one of the tougher words I will have to give up if I don’t want my wife to murder me.

Stupid: Usually used in reference to myself, or certain drivers, this word doesn’t carry a lot of positivity. I’m not stupid, I don’t want my son to think that I think I am. Mistakes are made in life and there are no greater motivational and learning tools than mistakes. Also, not using your turn signal is a choice and just shows ignorance not diminished mental capacity.

Obsequious: Don’t want him to sound pretentious.

Hate: Probably the most improperly used word in the english language. Going to try to teach him that there are a lot of better words to help describe what type of foods one doesn’t like. THIS is also a good reason to rethink using it.

Like: As in the vernacular sense not the comparative sense. It is like a hard habit to like break.

No: I say it to the dog a lot. Now he says it to the dog. I have to model better communication standards. The phrase ‘I’d rather you didn’t’ just doesn’t hold the same wow factor though.

Wiener: When changing my son, I used to love singing my “Cleanest wiener wiener cleaner services” jingle. Knowing that this was not the proper word for the appendage in question did not deter me. This worried Elizabeth. She prefers the proper term ‘penis’. The word still fits in jingle but somehow it has lost its original zest.

I’m sure there will be more, but for right now, this is a good start. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go break some hearts at my Publicly Yelling Fart Club.

Tagged as: , , , ,

3 Responses »

  1. I tried ‘penis’ – we settled on winky – which luckily rhymes with stinky. Also good for songs and chuckles…

    ‘No’ and ‘don’t’ will be firm favourites around age of 2. Good luck trying to avoid.

    Fart…saying it no problem; just wait until he discovers his own musical instrument in the bath! Boys will be boys, it doesn’t matter what sugar coating goes on it…trump, smelly, love puff…FAaaaRt.

  2. Enjoyed this.

Trackbacks

  1. Edmonton blog roundup: Feb. 23, 2016 – Seen and Heard in Edmonton

Leave a Reply

@TheUnDad

RSS The UnDad Podcast

  • Best of The UnDad Podcast
    Sorta. I lost some episodes. I collected as most as I could. This is a month in the making. Much love to all and more coming regularly. This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording space and […]
  • Santa is the best
    In this edition, I read a short Christmas story I wrote last year for Apocalypse Kow's awesome annual Christmas show. Also, I recorded a performance of myself during Booty Goose's 'Weird Al Karaoke', where one takes a popular song and changes the lyrics. I wrote a filthy version of 'Its Beginning to Look a Lot […]
  • Don't mess with Noreen
    In this episode I talk with Nicola Doherty of the Alberta Mamas (albertamamas.com) about the East Coast, spoon collections, child-sized weaponry, and tattooing dolphins. I'm not kidding. This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording space and […]
  • Did they make the right choice?
    In this episode I chat with former NHLer and current radio host Jason Strudwick. We cover topics ranging from adoption, hockey, parenthood, poetry, and a hypothetical room full of cocaine. This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the […]
  • The Questioneer
    In this episode, Trent answers the many, many questions that his rabid fanbase* sent in to him. Some of them are funny, some sincere, and some are about corn nuts. This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the […]
  • No biting
    This bad boy goes off the rails in all the best ways possible. I chat with the hilariously enabling Christine Bruckmann about the new Alberta Museum, legalized marijuana, how much I hate lentils, being a crazy parent, and dealing with hate when blogging. This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast […]
  • Julie Rohr Part 2
    In no specific order: Julie and I talk about the 'D' word, journalism, connecting to people you can't connect to, understanding, being brought up religious, giving yourself grace, and even though you have cancer you still have to be a parent. This conclusion of the two-parter is a doozie. This episode is powered by ATB […]
  • Julie Rohr Part 1
    If you don't know who Julie Rohr is you are truly missing out. Currently battling a rare form of cancer, Jules is defined by her infectious smile, her love of life, and her all around resplendent radness. Just listen and find out what I mean. Part 2 coming out next week. This episode is powered […]
  • The good Witch of the true North
    I catch up with Lindsey McNeill about what it is like to be adopted as an adult, how her and her mom are writing a book about the experience, and what it is like to be a screenwriter, producer, witch, and tarot card reader (and then she reads my tarot cards). This episode is powered […]
  • I moved back
    In this episode I catch up with Antonio Bavaro (alter drag ego Connie Lingua) and chat about Montreal, excessive nostalgia, family influence, and his newest endeavour that will spotlight the Edmonton queer and trans community. This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the […]

Follow The Undad via Email

Enter your email address to follow The Undad and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 42 other subscribers

%d bloggers like this: