“Coming ‘Round the Mountain” is a filthy song

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“Coming ’round the mountain” is a song that has strong childhood implications for me. It brings forth memories of innocence and wonder. I’ve sang it with my child and many other children who are not mine (that I know of) in moments of celebration and merriment.

Only until recently, after a heartfelt conversation I had with my chaste wife, have I realized that this song holds a deeper meaning. A meaning that other parents should definitely take heed of. I don’t mean to cause alarm, but holy fart stars is this song filthy.

(In response to THIS, THIS and THIS).

Preface

The song is a euphemistic dynamo of sexual subversiveness and depravity. Rumour has it that the song supposedly references the second coming of Jesus, but after a little digging and some journalistic gumption, I’ve realized that it’s not about God’s kid at all.  It’s about a woman and her odyssey of ‘doing it’ for personal hedonistic gratification.

The lyrics

1: She’ll be coming ’round the mountain when she comes

She’ll be coming ’round the mountain when she comes

She’ll be coming ’round the mountain, she’ll be coming ’round the mountain

She’ll be coming ’round the mountain when she comes.

2: She’ll be driving six white horses when she comes 

She’ll be driving six white horses when she comes

She’ll be driving six white horses, she’ll be driving six white horses

She’ll be driving six white horses when she comes.

3: We’ll all go out to meet her when she comes

We’ll all go out to meet her when she comes 

We’ll all go out to meet her, we’ll all go out to meet her

We’ll all go out to meet her when she comes. 

4: She will have to sleep with Grandma when she comes 

She will have to sleep with Grandma when she comes 

She will have to sleep with Grandma, she will have to sleep with Grandma,

She will have to sleep with Grandma when she comes. 

5: We’ll kill the old red rooster when she comes

We will kill the big red rooster when she comes

We’ll kill the big red rooster, we will kill the big red rooster

We’ll kill the big red rooster when she comes.

6: She will bring us to the portals when she comes 

She will bring us to the portals when she comes 

She will bring us to the portals, she will bring us to the portals

She will bring us to the portals when she comes .

7: We will all have chicken and dumplings when she comes. 

We will all have chicken and dumplings when she comes.

We will all have chicken and dumplings, we’ll all have chicken and dumplings.

We will all have chicken and dumplings when she comes. 

What the lyrics mean

1: “She’ll be coming ’round the mountain when she comes”

A bit redundant for shock value no doubt. She’ll be orgasming around the mountain when she orgasms? Get ahold of yourself (not literally).

2: “She’ll be driving six white horses when she comes”

My friend’s older sister had a personal gratification device called “Six white horses”. It took a lot of batteries and sounded like a leaf blower. I think of her fondly for some reason.

3: “We’ll all go out to meet her when she comes”

A group of people, joining together, to watch someone gratuitously ‘happen’? Sick, dirty and tickets are way too over-priced.

4: “She will have to sleep with Grandma when she comes”

This one writes itself.

5: “We’ll kill the old red rooster when she comes”

This is a reference to the post coital masculine reticence. Also acceptable are ‘flogging the dolphin’, ‘burping the worm’ or ‘watching the sneezed weasel wither’. What was once mighty, is now slumbering in the barnyard.

6: “She will bring us to the portals when she comes”

This has one of two meanings. When I was growing up, The Portals was an establishment for adult males to find gratification with the exchanging of funds or wares. With that said, the portals could also just be another word for climaxing. As in, “I’m about to portal” or “I portaled so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye” or “I portaled ’round the mountain”.

7: “We will all have chicken and dumplings when she comes”

As everyone knows, ‘chicken and dumplings‘ is a non-specific form of sexual gratification. I could mean second base. It could mean third. It could mean the ol’ how do you do. It could also mean tongue bathing the Sarlacc. It is such a filthy reference that you should just forget I said anything and wash your eyes.

Conclusion

Your children are in danger! Being taught a safe version of the most fundamental of human interactions is unhealthy and frightening. This song is a perfect example of the subversive lengths that teachers and educators will go to in hopes of manipulating your child in to doing sex. Needless to say, I’ve already called my ombudsman about getting this song banned in not only my city, but my mind.

Where is Kirk Cameron when you need him?

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70 Comments Add yours

  1. Diane says:

    Oh, and sharing a bed with someone of the same gender was a protective & warming way to get some sleep. Houses back then we’re drafty & when you woke up & put your feet on the wood floor, you dressed as fast as you could to get warm again. The pajamas was an add-on at a later date. (If you landed on the couch or floor to sleep, you were cold & miserable, trying to sleep. Houses back then didn’t have a lot of space or spare bedrooms.

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  2. karenspalding5573 says:

    Please… Anyone can take a song and make something dirty of it. Shame on you and your references. I am going to sing it anyhow. I grew up on a farm where we had chicken and dumplings when company came because it was a cheap, filling meal and I killed the old rooster before hand. That was a way of life as was driving horses.

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  3. Jacob Thompson says:

    That’s interesting but incorrect. I suspect this entire interpretation is a matter of your own sexual schemes, frankly. This song is said by some to be a satire of “The Old Ship of Zion (the mountain) and “she” is the whore of Babylon. In Babylon the temple prostitution held of position of power and respect. Six white horses is a funeral procession as in “Six white horses coming after me, I’ll fly away”. The song is about the rapture but it’s also likely a veiled Christian condemnation of the Judaic Most High in lieu of Christ.

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    1. Jacob Thompson says:

      Interestingly, this song often appears in pop culture with extremely violent images attached. In Futurma the robot Bender sing a verse with the lyric “I’ll be killing all the humans in the world.” While Dan Akroyd (who admits his family are steeped in the occult and such was the inspiration for Ghostbusters) sing a verse of this in the movie Grosse Point Blank with the lyric “I’ll be blowing your fucking brains out when I come.”

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  4. Jane says:

    I am embarrassed by this and for anyone who tripped upon this in an innocent quest for historical meaning of this song. Please consider young people who read this, and take it down.

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