Winner of VUE Weekly's 2017 and 2018 'Best Family Blog' and 2018 'Best Podcast'

If we had a girl I’d end up in jail


If Elizabeth and I ended up having an awesome little girl, instead of an awesome little boy, I’m pretty sure that eventually I would  have ended up in jail.

Let me explain.

In April of 2014, the CBC reported on a study which stated that Edmonton is the worst place in Canada to be a woman. Citing wages, domestic violence and political representation, it paints a pretty bleak picture of the city I call home. None of these would have been the catalyst to my prior statement though.

Several years ago I read a quote on Facebook (which I will attribute to Kelta Coomber but am not 100% sure) which stated, after a series of sexual attacks on women in the river valley that, “Police want us to get out of the river valley so that we don’t get sexually assaulted, and prefer us to walk down Whyte Ave. where we will be sexually harassed.”

Guts Magazine takes the above story from the CBC  a poignant step further.

I would not be able to handle anything happening to my daughter, or my wife, in such a manner. Would I be able to handle it if something happened to my son? Fuck no, but most sexual harassment and assaults don’t happen against men. I’m playing the odds here people. I’m playing the reality. Most women I’ve talked to in this city have a story about something or someone harassing them. Some have shared stories of rape. I’m trying to be calm. Edmonton has a problem.

Does every city have a problem with harassment and assault? Sure, but I don’t live in every city. And, I’ve never seen it like I’ve seen it in Edmonton.

Stand on Whyte Ave. or Jasper Ave. on a busy night and you will see what I mean. It is sad. Yelling from cars. From bars. Walking along anywhere. Women just trying to get the fuck home. Just trying to go to the grocery story. Just trying to walk their dogs. It’s ridiculous. Men and boys yelling at women. I’ve seen it countless times. I’ve yelled back at the guys. A couple times, in situations, punches were thrown.

If this were my daughter or my wife it probably wouldn’t end there.

I probably would do something incredibly stupid.

I’d probably end up in jail or worse.

I’m not bragging about how tough I think I am or about how macho or any of that. In fact, I’m a little embarrassed for saying this. But, I’m trying to get across a position of frustration.

I could theorize as to why this happens. Entitled men with too much money and booze, ramped up on machismo, thinking that anything that catches their eye is something that is theirs and therefore must be treated as some form of object.

All I can do is make sure that my son respects all the women in his life. I’m very lucky that he has such a strong and intelligent mother as a female role model.

When he is old enough to understand, I will say to him, “Women like men who aren’t loudmouth, entitled pricks. Humans like men who aren’t loudmouth, entitled pricks.”

I don’t know what else to say.

If we had a girl, I’d get into trouble.

*Editor’s Note: We did end up having a girl. She just turned 2.

If you liked this silly gibberish you could buy me a coffee. If you are looking for more ridiculousness you could visit my podcast. If you have any questions, you could leave them in the comments. Or subscribe or not. Or whatever. Good job!


4 Responses »

  1. Okay those are all very agreeable things to say, but the title is total clickbait.

  2. What do people expect from redneck Fn pickup driving rig pigs that come into Edmonton on a weekends!?

  3. At first glance I knew exactly what the title was in regards to….The title was great! I’m an expecting father of a baby girl and right now I have 6 nieces, i feel sorry if that person ever has the misfortune of me catching them disrespecting any of the women in my life. Keep up the great writing!

Leave a Reply


RSS The UnDad Podcast

  • Zoloft
    This is a step in the right direction.  This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording space and production help. Thanks to Caitlynn Legris for her recording and vocal talents for the new intro intro. Also, many […]
  • Ghosts Jason Kenney
    Many moons ago, I sent out a weird messenger request to several friends. It was about ghosts. Well, today, the answers of Scott McGovern, Sam Varteniuk, and Angela Seehagen are brought to life...about ghosts! Also, I've added some Jason Kenney poems.  This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank […]
  • Children's book reviews
    I do a lot of reading to my kids so I thought I'd go over some of my favourites (and least favourites) of out kid lit library. There is a little Sandra Boynton, Dr. Seuss, Moby Dick, Paw Patrol, and Beatrix Potter (with some others mingled in for taste). Main picture is from 'The Three […]
  • Question and Answer
    In this episode I answer questions about dreams, smells, hell, tell a tale about a really good stabber. All those who asked got answered. Take a listen! This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network.  Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording space and production help. Thanks to […]
  • Grimpen and Friends
    This was fun! I got to play video games with a moon being (Grimpen) and his friend (Chris Nelson) and I wasn't murdered nor was I consumed for nourishment by a moon being (Grimpen). Come, listen to us play a video game (Red Dead Redemption), or don't! Here is the long description of just what […]
  • MAGApause
    This is a fun little episode I threw together after the family had a fun little nugget of food poisoning. Great times! Thanks to Jana O'Connor, Lou Casemore, and Samara Von Rad for their editorial input on the title bit. This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you […]
  • A Centurion
    This was a gas. Thanks to Andred (It's a Conspiracy), Quinn (Learning to Listen), Rylan (History of Punk), Dan (Northern Nerd), and John from Fionn MacCool's (Mayfield) for the awesome. It takes a village in this episode that comes complete with a cautionary drinking game. This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the […]
  • The Bryan Baeumler experience
    Bryan Baeumler will be spitting truth at the Edmonton Renovation Show this January 25-27 (@yeghomeshows). In this episode he shares some special insights into why he is how is, how he does what he does, and why chasing eels on the shore of the Sydney River makes a person who they are (@hgtvcanada). For the […]
  • The Jenerator
    I don't know how or why I've been this lucky...but maybe I do. Anyway. Jenny Adams is solid people. Even though she does not understand the existential architecture of the Snuggle Dungeon, she will always be welcomed in it.  This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to […]
  • Best of The UnDad Podcast
    Sorta. I lost some episodes. I collected as most as I could. This is a month in the making. Much love to all and more coming regularly. This episode is powered by ATB and sponsored by the Alberta Podcast Network. Thank you to Andrew Paul and the Edmonton Community Foundation for the recording space and […]

Follow The Undad via Email

Enter your email address to follow The Undad and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 42 other subscribers

%d bloggers like this: