At the heart of every man there is a blood frenzied warrior who wants to kill for sport.

At the heart of every father there is a man who recognizes that warrior, but also understands family responsibility.

Put the two together and you have, the Burping Pauldron.

One part sexy LARPing attire and part functional dad wear, the Burping Pauldron combines the world of medieval fashion with a hint modern sensibilities.

The Burping Pauldron comes complete with:

– Baby head cradle for maximum safety whilst back slapping

– Three ergonomically placed pacifiers for the finicky burpee

– An annoying keyboard that makes the child happy for some reason

– Chewable plastic car keys to sooth a teether, but cannot actually start any car (that we have tried)

– Two detachable mess towels for mid burp puke sessions

– A green mossy pauldron spray to cover up any un-cleaned baby liquids

– A sword (just in case)

Just in time for Christmas, the Burping Pauldron is the perfect gift for the new father in your life!

*The female version of the Burping Pauldron is just a towel and a sword because women don’t need any extra stupid shit to burp their spawn, but hey…sword just in case.